"Party pooper," part two
Start with part one.
My family was not really very big on physical affection. So I suffered a couple of bouts of culture shock as an adult.
The first took place during my French-major days, when I spent a year studying in France. There, I was quite taken aback to discover that the "bisou," a kiss on both cheeks, was actually a formal greeting, replaceable only by a handshake, but only when a handshake wasn't considered a bit unfriendly. You couldn't just enter a room and say "Hi, everybody!," you had to either give a bisou/kiss everyone on both cheeks, or you had to shake the hand of every person in the room. The same was true upon departure.
The second culture shock occurred, and continues to occur, here in New York City. Even after over 35 years in NYC, I've never gotten comfortable with having guys other than my husband give me a hug and a kiss as a friendly greeting and/or expect me to give them one. (That's one of the reasons why I prefer to do partner/couple dances with my husband only.) I don't much care for the casual kiss--I think that kisses should be reserved for spouse or family. I particularly dislike seeing this kind of huggy-poo and kissy-face on the bimah--it seems rather inappropriate in a house of worship.
An advantage of becoming Orthodox would be that the circumstances in which I'd be expected to hug and kiss or be hugged and kissed by any guy other than my husband would be greatly reduced. I'd prefer it that way. As one of the characters from the first season of Babylon 5 once said, putting it better than I ever could, "Don't touch me unless you mean it."
My family was not really very big on physical affection. So I suffered a couple of bouts of culture shock as an adult.
The first took place during my French-major days, when I spent a year studying in France. There, I was quite taken aback to discover that the "bisou," a kiss on both cheeks, was actually a formal greeting, replaceable only by a handshake, but only when a handshake wasn't considered a bit unfriendly. You couldn't just enter a room and say "Hi, everybody!," you had to either give a bisou/kiss everyone on both cheeks, or you had to shake the hand of every person in the room. The same was true upon departure.
The second culture shock occurred, and continues to occur, here in New York City. Even after over 35 years in NYC, I've never gotten comfortable with having guys other than my husband give me a hug and a kiss as a friendly greeting and/or expect me to give them one. (That's one of the reasons why I prefer to do partner/couple dances with my husband only.) I don't much care for the casual kiss--I think that kisses should be reserved for spouse or family. I particularly dislike seeing this kind of huggy-poo and kissy-face on the bimah--it seems rather inappropriate in a house of worship.
An advantage of becoming Orthodox would be that the circumstances in which I'd be expected to hug and kiss or be hugged and kissed by any guy other than my husband would be greatly reduced. I'd prefer it that way. As one of the characters from the first season of Babylon 5 once said, putting it better than I ever could, "Don't touch me unless you mean it."
posted by Shira Salamone at 5:36 PM
2 Comments:
You wrote: "I particularly dislike seeing this kind of huggy-poo and kissy-face on the bimah--it seems rather inappropriate in a house of worship."
I attend a Reconstructionist congregation. What you describe above happens *all* the *time* after people have aliyot, instead of "yasher koach" and handshakes. I must say it creeps me out both to observe it and to have people offer it to me. Yikes!
I'm all for hugging someone who is dear to me (family or not) and I love bisous with girlfriends (not acquaintances) *when* I'm moved to that in the moment, but pro forma even with those people, and/or as a social greeting or on the bimah? No thanks!
No-one I know would call me a prude and yet I just can't reconcile smooches and shul. Yuck. it's not the kavannah I want there.
"I'm all for hugging someone who is dear to me (family or not) and I love bisous with girlfriends (not acquaintances) *when* I'm moved to that in the moment, but pro forma even with those people, and/or as a social greeting or on the bimah? No thanks!"
Shuliji, I think that's a reasonable position to take on this matter. A person should kiss when *he/she* wants, not just because someone else expects it. Pro forma and/or on the bimah? Not for me.
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